NOVEMBER 2000



Sunday November 12 I got a call from Elisabeth. She wished me a happy birthday despite the fact that neither she nor Mom does anything about helping me to get out of the situation I’m in. It’s easier to say “Happy birthday” than to do something to make it really happy. Empty words. She said that Mom had asked her to call me. I asked why Mom didn’t call herself. She said that it was because she was “apprehensive” of speaking to me, so she, Elis., acted as a go-between.


The main point of her call however seemed to be about an aparttment ave. ce Choisy that Mom would have to made available to me if I return to France. This entails evicting a tenant, with, according to Mom, a six-month advance notice. Obviously she doesn’t want to start the proceeding if later I do not show up and remain in the United States.


I said that this was only one part of the problem. The other part was that I had been away from the country for seventeen years and I’m not going to be able to work overnight, therefore I’ll need financial assistance. I said that I did not want to be dependent on Mom for money. Elis. Said the best would be for me to have a lump sum of money that is owed me as inheritance so I wouldn’t need to ask Mom for money. I see her point but this money should not come out of my inheritance, as money for daily living is not considered an advance of funds imputable to the inheritance, but I did not make the remark. If I could get a lump sum I would be only too happy.


Elis. Asked me if I had received the papers from Agnes. I said I had but these were old papers and I had asked for the most recent ones, particularly those that relate to the judicial settlement. Elis. said that she did not have these papers, nobody had them, and finally she said that the settlement had still not been filed in court because the accountant needed some figures that he did not have and besides he was gravely sick and she feared for his life. I asked what he had. She said he had phlebitis.


She asked how I was doing and I said that I was bored to death. She asked if my grey matter was still all right. I said that the boredom is enough to drive someone crazy. She noted that I had a job but I replied that at my job there were long periods during which I had nothing to do and that I was bored at my job too and that I was impatient to leave this place.


This is about all that was said and we hung up not much advanced.


Later it hit me that last May, Mom gave me the same excuse to explain why the settlement papers had not yet been filed in court: that the accountant needed some figures he did not have. It seems obvious now that she has no intention of doing a judicial settlement.


In her last letter she says all is being delayed because of me, because I am the one who asked for a judicial settlement. She adds that once this “cork” as been uncorked I’ll be able to make plans. She’s right that I cannot make plans until I have money. But the fact is that she led me to believe that the papers had already been filed and they have not, as I learned form Elis.


If she wanted to do a fair settlement she would have no objection to filing the settlement in court.


So now where does that leave me? She probably wishes that I would sign the settlement papers out of court so she can rip me off with my consent.



Tues. the 14th: I helped GL with a mass mailing in the Record Room, after which he invited me to dinner. I was depressed and I told him. I sought physical contact more than usual, nestling against him in the car, touching his face. I had two whiskeys at dinner, during which I expressed the wish to have sex. He said I might be disappointed. Said this because of his less than normal penis size. He drove to a deserted spot on the grounds of the hospital and there he lowered the front seat to a horizontal position and half-undressed me, giving me pleasure with his hand and his mouth on my breasts.