DIARY OF A MARKED WOMAN


July 2004

Wed. the 7th: The internet situat. at the libr. in both branches is getting surreal. One day it's this the other day it's that. I caught the big lady at Melville in her lie re "no more than 2 half hr sessions /week" and since then the staff at both branches is bending over backwards trying to validate this statement thou she said it in early May and after a while I could get to the internet every day.

Last Thurs. the guy at Italie (fiftyish, thin, grey hair) refused to give me appts for fri. and sat. I called him a "facho" (slang for fascist) as he's interferring with my freedom of speech protected by the French Constitution. Showed me the poster with the internet rules where this bullshit rule isn't posted. Since he refused to give me appts for the rest of the week I took 2 appts for this week, I thought it was Tues and Wed but wrote only the Tues. apt. So this morn. I went to the Italie libr. thinking I had the apt anyway and strted writing an e-mail to Sophie and around 10 mins to 12 the big black security guy asked me if I had an apt. I said yes, gave him my card and... there was no apt written on the library book. Why isn't the big security guy enforcing the rule re. "no cell-phone use in the library" instead of muscling me away from the station? Who knows? Surreal, I told ya. So I fought to send the message bec' he wanted me to quit "right this instant", stupid.

So I went to the desk, explained my mistake to the attendt (50s Fem. thin w/ short hair° and she gave me an apt this afternoon but refused to give me more, invoking the nonexistent rule. I told her a law or a rule had to be written and officially published to be enforceable but she denied it and she too took me to the poster where the rules are written, but not the one in question. I insisted that she show me the rule in published form. She said that she would find it and ask her afternoon colleague to show it to me. She added that there was no rule against me going to another branch and I said I preferred to stay in my nabe. (Seems "they" want me to go somewhere to take care of me).

So now I asked the colleague for an appt tomorroq and she refused invoking the rule. I asked her to show it to me, saying her colleague had said she would find it. And the woman (short, 50's, short hair) said the branch mgr was on vacation until "about" the 20th and it was her discretionary prerogative to decide the frequency of internet access for the public. I disputed this. She said it made no difference, that it was "for the good of the community" or some such bs, as if I were a PC-hog, mindless of other people. Apparently, a shame-ploy to intimidate me into submission.

Wed. the 21st: Recently at Melville libr. the ploy has been to make the PC freeze with some "illegal operation" while I'm using it, so the PC has to be shut down and re-started, the pw re-entered. Last time the woman took her sweet time turning it off, saying she had been advised against doing this, that it might damage the PC. Oh, puhleeze! You'd think a PC is a delicate little thing. So she finally did it and the entire procedure took ten mins which is a lot when you only have 30mns.

And to add insult to injury, five mins gefore my time was up the auburn-haired woman came in chewing noisily on something very big -very odd considering she seems conscious about her looks- and when I left she told me "Don't make it "plant" now!" and I protested vehemently that it happened to me to my great regret and I wasn't responsib. It's their thing, to pretend that I'm responsible for the PC "planting" (the French expression). Of course they don't want to admit that they are deliberately doing it to harass me or discourage me from using the PC and someone has to be the culprit so they pretend to believe it's me.

And then last Sat. it was a man attending and surprisingly nothing happened. But when I was done the man following me sat at the PC with his hands on his lap, not doing anything, and the male attendant came and clicked the mouse on the Explorer icon as if the man had expected the PC not to work because I had used before him!

I think my family are as scared of me as if I were the living dead. Because they expected me to be dead in the 1st place, and their guilt feeling make them think that I'm after them to do some unspeakable thing to them like in a horror flick. Food for thought re the psychology of the living dead. Do they embody our guilt feelings?

But of course I'm nothing of the sort. Tho I've been metaphorically buried alive I'm a nice middle-aged lady doing needlework (sashiko, crochet and beading lately) but IF YOU MESS WITH ME that's where your troubles start. My only weapons are.. well, I won't tell, except they have something to do with the philosophy of martial arts.

Wed. the 28th: Visited the electric company on the 7th, the 8th, the 12 to xclear up the bill 'cause they've been charging me systematically two months in advance in addition to the 2 months past so the last bill for instance is almost 140 euro when the only electric appliances I have besides refrigerator and a few 60 watts bulbs are a hair dryer and an iron I rarely use. So I couldn't pay the bill so they proposed to reduce my power from 6 KW to 1 KW but what I couldn't pay was a part of the bill that wasn't due yet, the june and july part payable in august. So I returned on the 12 and paid the 65 euros I estimated I owed so now they had no more reason to come to my home but a guy came anyway and I played possum, didn't open. Same day they sent a letter with some bold letters warning of power cutoff if I didn't pay the 136,99 and asking to disregard if I had paid.

But last night they cut off at midnight while I was in the loo! And today they said tho they can cut off remotely, they have to come into my appartment to restore power, but I didn't let the guy in. I don't believe it. And Mom sent me 50 euros for my name day as a present tho I have absolutely no income. A present but no necessities.

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